"What we play is life."

Right, so, my world fell apart today. I was driving home from the mall and this Death Cab song played which I had never heard before. The radio station announcer dude said, "oh yeah, this song from their newest album Narrow Stairs." And I was like, whaaaaa? Did I miss a song when I downloaded the album? So I get home, look it up on azlyrics, and no I did not miss any songs. So, completely baffled, I start looking through the lyrics to each song... only to learn to my chagrin that half of the songs I had downloaded and coveted as sweet new Death Cab songs are in fact by a German indie band which just sounds like them.

Shoot me.

I even talked about this with Jeff--I gave him my Narrow Stairs songs, and we talked about how it was odd that Ben Gibbard suddenly has a lisp in some of the songs. Well, it makes sense now! Gah!

So now I have to correctly name all of these non-Death-Cab songs (apparently the band's name is Velveteen, but I really like those songs, so I will have to check them out) and once I have internet for my laptop again I'll have to re-download limewire and get the correct Death Cab songs.

On the one hand this is devastating, because I really thought that was Death Cab. But on the other hand, I have a new awesome band to listen to AND half of Narrow Stairs to hear for the first time. But still: shoot me. Unbelievable. It's even up on wikipedia--someone thought it would be clever to leak a fake Narrow Stairs album before the real one was released. Man, did I ever get duped. How ridiculous.

But anyway.

Caitlin and I went to the mall today! Much fun ensued. We tried on fancy dresses and took silly pictures, and shopped ourselves to exhaustion. Gotta love the Alderwood Mall.

Yesterday I saw Christian. That was also much fun. :) I wish I had internets on my laptop, because unless I take it to the library (and even their wireless seems to elude me) I can't change my profile picture to that really awesome shot of me and half of Christian's face that we took at the Olive Garden. I have rad picture-taking skillz. It's true.

I work the next three days in a row, but Sunday is my last day at Penneys. Weird. I still wish I didn't have almost a full week with no work and nothing to do. I am still toying with the idea of taking a bus to go home to Pullman early, get my new key to the apartment, and unpack my stuff for a few days. I mean, what else will I be doing? It's pulling teeth to get my parents to lend me a car to drive, and everyone else is busy. Christian will be gone, Caitlin will not be very nearby, Maria is back at school... I have nothing to do except laze around and complain about how bored I am. I would rather spend the last few days of break being productive, unpacking my new room and taking the bus up to the rec center in lieu of sleeping gratuitously and expending little energy. Hmm.

Well, now that I've talked it up like that I REALLY want to take the bus back early. I could probably even take the train up to Spokane, hang out with Christian and/or Phill for a few hours/a day, and then take a bus from Spokane to Pullman. And since I already paid for $20 of gas to Steph for the trip over, then she will not be able to complain about picking me up and dropping me off for a little while. More than a litte while, what with the snow. This could be good. I miss Pullman anyway, it would be silly to deny that fact. Snohomish is just not my home any more.

We'll see.

But Narrow Stairs! Agh. Cannot believe that.

Oh man. The count at which things are not going right for me has risen exponentially.

Penneys can't hire me back. After one week and six useless visits to that store, they finally bother to call the company and figure out why my application won't show up. And get this--it's because I failed the application the test. You know those stupid questionnaires about "are you a hard worker" and "do you work well with others"? Yeah, I failed that. I work for JCPenneys for a year and a half, come back to work for all of my Christmas break, and now when I really need a job, they can't fucking hire me because I didn't pass the fucking personality test.

I STILL don't have a job.

I can't be friends with April because she's angry with me for refusing to give her gas money. I will not pay April to be my friend. If she wants gas money to do things that SHE wants to do too, then she will have to get it somewhere else. I can't hang out with Steph on her birthday because her parents don't want to waste gas bringing me back to Snohomish. All I've done the last few days is sit around for hours reading.

What the hell?

I hate to say that I should have stayed in Pullman, but honestly, coming back three weeks earlier than I intended just so I could sit around for two of them? That's bullshit. Especially when the person who pressured me so hard into coming back now won't even speak to me. This sucks.

But at least I have Caitlin. :)

And Logan, haha.

I am now back in the wonderful town of Snohomish. Yay!

I need a plan.

Tomorrow, Caitlin and I are going job-hunting. Whoo! I'm hoping for a quick interview and lots of hours at Quizno's, but I must prepare myself for the worst case scenario, in which they do not hire me because a) they don't like me or b) they are not hiring. In that case... I need a different job. Working at the Lake Stevens Target might be interesting... it's a different aspect of retail, one that deals more with stocking than folding. But it's all good.

Went to Penneys today and saw Julie. I seem to be coming in on Monday around 6 to get all my paperwork in. With luck, I will be able to start this Saturday. That would be fantastic. However... and this is very lame... Penneys doesn't have any black work pants! There are approximately two pairs, and neither of them are my size. That is extremely lame, because I was really hoping to get at least two pairs of those.

So yesterday my buddy Phill took me shooting. Go figure, right? It was really disturbing... but I have now shot a handgun. Ha. After that, we tried to go to a restaurant for some food, but everything was all bursting at the seams with people, seeing as it was a Friday night. So we went to Taco Bell, which was delicious as always. Then we meandered over to the mall and got tickets for Indiana Jones, but the movie didn't start for a whole hour, so we wandered around the mall. It was interesting. As for the movie--after all the bad things I've heard about it, I actually did like it. The end was a little iffy, but the whole movie was very epic, and they didn't make an effort to hide Harrison Ford's age, which made me happy.

Then Phill dropped me off at the train station at 12am, and I sat in an uncomfortable chair for two hours until my train started boarding. That was a hassle--I thought a 2am train might be kind of empty, but it was full of sleeping people hogging the two-seat rows. I went all the way up and down my train car twice, and was beginning to despair of finding a seat at all, when a very nice old man asked me if I needed a seat and told me I could sit by him. He talked to me sporadically throughout the train ride, and was generally very nice.

The train ride was not so good. I did not foresee to bring a pillow or blankets, and I underestimated exactly how uncomfortable those seats are. I sleep on my side, usually very curled up; it was very hard to find a good sleeping position where I had to remain on my back. Also, the seats had "ample leg room", which meant that for a 5'4" person like me, I had to stretch myself all the way out just to reach the footrest. So it was not comfortable, but I was just tired enough to make myself fall asleep. In that six hour ride, I probably got about four hours of sleep total, and it was all in bumpy half hour intervals where I woke up, changed position, waited to regain the feeling in my butt, and woke up again only to repeat the cycle.

I don't think I ever want to take that early of a train again. Sleeping the ride away is all well and good, but I'd rather stay awake and read or something.

Anyway... got into Everett at about 8:50 and met up with Caitlin and April. We had an eventful day of running around doing stuff, and by the time we finally settled in to watch a movie, I was so sleep-deprived that I crashed and slept through most of the rest of the time before April had to go to work. Now I am more awake, but as soon as I am near a bed again, I'll probably crash.

Ran into my parents unexpectedly at Top Foods. I got roped into coming to visit sometime this week. I guess it's good to get the obligatory visit out of the way during this workless week, because as soon as I have hours at Penneys and a job somewhere else (hopefully Quizno's), I won't have time to do that kind of stuff.

Yep. Time to go do some other online stuff while my battery remains.

Well, I went back to Penneys today. I did all of my re-hire stuff, gave Mark my license to copy again, read everything I never wanted to know about the dress code, and told two of my buddies who are still working there that I'm back to work. They were excited, which made me feel rather happy. :)

And back to work it is. This whole week I'm working from 10-6. And when I say this whole week, I mean it quite literally. Not a day's break. Interestingly, as Mark happened to mention, after next Monday the holiday frenzy is over. I had somehow managed to forget that Christmas is next Tuesday. Isn't that weird?

Anyway, despite this crazy and quite literal forty hours a week, it's very gratifying to know that next week I'll be putting in my two weeks notice. That also makes me happy. :)

And back to Pullman, for a semester of amazing classes, time spent improving these burgeoning friendships, and hopefully Saturdays volunteering at the Humane Society or some such place. I feel like leaning back in my chair and kicking my feet up on the desk. That is how profoundly satisfied I am today.

It helps that I spent most of it with April. We went to Target--twice, actually, for various reasons. It also helps that I bought a new pair of work shoes--my first pair of ballet flats, and they are incredibly cute. It's nice, working at Penneys--I can express the side of me that is incredibly feminine, the part that likes black work pants and cute shoes and dangly earrings and even, dare I say it, mascara.

I also finished rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows today. I am extremely and irreversibly a nerd, because I teared up twice at the end. It's such a sad book, but with the most spectacular ending I could ever have hoped for. I wonder how many people have written to JK Rowling expressing their love of this last and most epic Harry Potter novel? I kind of want to join their number.

Regardless, this break is shaping up to be a lot better than I expected it to be. And tomorrow Caitlin is coming back! I pretty much can't wait. :)

Man, I need a shitload of books for this semester!

I'm on the Bookie's website, typing in my classes, looking up what books I need and HOLY COW. A crapload.

For German 203: Stationen Bundle (Augustyn), costing $81 used.

For Class Piano 1: Alfred's Group Piano for Adults (Lancaster), costing $30 used.

For trombone lessons: MUS 319 Coursepack (whatever that is), costing $7. Also Musician's Practice Planner, costing $8.

For flute lessons: Musician's Practice Planner, costing $8.

For Science 198: Two Mile Time Machine, costing $15. State of Fear, costing $5. A Short History of Nearly Everything, costing $11. Also Sciences-Integrated Approach, costing $77 used.

That's nine books, and my English class hasn't even listed a book yet. Eek! That's $242 without one class included.

Oh em gee. The scariness of college books.

Kind of exciting though. I mean, college books. And musician's planners for lessons... I can just feel the learning from here.

:)

Yeah I'm weird. Get over it.

I am extremely excited. Laptop tomorrow, and probably my camera as well. My last day at work is less than one week away now. Caitlin is probably spending Monday night at my house. Tuesday is her birthday which equals zoo and awesomeness. Next Wednesday I say goodbye to my associate discount card and sore feet for many moons. Thursday everything gets neatly wrapped up. Sunday I leave.

Talk about exciting.

No really. Talk about it. Then I won't be the only one.

:)

Ah, you see, I read Caitlin's entry mentioning college and now I can't think about anything else.

College.

WSU.

<3

Sixteen days. Then it's getting up at 5 am, arranging boxes in the car so I can sit comfortably, listening to my parents argue over the route to take to get to the highway. Putting in the headphones to my brand new iPod and falling back asleep to Shinedown. Waking up later, the sun rising higher, putting on my sunglasses, rummaging through my laundry hamper for a book to read or my laptop to play games on. Stopping for breakfast. Stopping for lunch. And finally.... Colfax 12, Pullman 47. Then Pullman 5. Then the Washinton State University banners on the streetlights, and trying to find a parking spot close to Gannon-Goldsworthy. Then the big one... stepping out of the car, stretching, smiling until my jaw locks up. Moving boxes. Walking into my dorm room for the first time, appraising the storage space, wishing I had or hadn't brought this or that. Then my parents, my mom tearing up and saying how hard it is, how I should call every day, how I should study hard and not goof off as if I didn't know already. My dad saying something about behaving at college. Then watching them drive away.

Then it will be the hectic schedule of the week before classes: band camp throughout the day, Honors College orientation, taking the Honors Writing Diagnostic and meeting up with people I met at Alive, auditioning for an ensemble and hoping to god they like me enough to put me in Wind Symphony, unpacking, meeting people in my dorm, eating food at the dining halls, ahowering in communal showers, falling asleep in a strange bed without my puppies.

And homesickness. Not for my home. For my dogs. For my friends. For Caitlin. For Christian. For Maria. For Seth. Even for Keith. For those people I didn't know well, who I won't ever know well.

But then the excitement of college will set in. Band camp! I'm going to be a trombone player in the Washington State University Marching Band. First day of classes--I'm taking piano! And flute lessons, and my first time speaking German in a college classroom! Opening my books for the first time and spotting chemistry things I could do in my sleep on the pages of my Science 198 book. Seeing Tami at WSU for the first time. Spending an hour with Amanda and acting like we used to last year. Making new friends. Starting the long, difficult, extremely rewarding process of proving myself. Getting my first A on a test. Attending the first meeting of the Gay-Straight Alliance. Researching the liberation movement for my English 298 class. Walking into a professor's office during office hours and just talking, asking an occasional question about the lecture that day.

I'm going shopping with Caitlin on Saturday. I'm not getting my iPod till the 10th, since the only one for $150 only comes in silver and has 500 songs. My next check will actually be sufficient to cover the $200 blue 1,000 song nano that I want. So this Saturday we're going college shopping.

I can't wait.

So much to talk about since last we spoke... all right, since last I wrote. Whatever.

I went dorm shopping. I got loads of good stuff... shampoo, conditioner, laundry hamper, bandaids, laundy detergent... you name it, I got it. All that's left is food to stock up on, my iPod, my laptop, and a digital camera. Oh man.

Also... HARRY POTTER! I won't give away spoilers, but I will say this: it's freaking amazing! The most beautiful thing ever. I want to hug it to my chest every time I glance at it. Got it at 8 am at Target yesterday morning, read it all day till i had to go to work at 2, read it during breaks and lunch, read read read, folded jeans and lamented not being able to read it. Got home at 10, settled in, and read till 3 am at which point I read the last word and sighed with giddiness. Went so sleep, woke up at 9:30, went to work again.

Speaking of which, wtf? What's with all this working? A month ago they were giving me ten hours a week. Now I have a mere two days a week off?

The Famous Footwear in Marsyville opens tomorrow. Seth and I are going to help them stock their store and open it. Of course, we aren't just helping, we're getting paid, but still. Now i have to tell them hey, I'm grateful for your willingness to offer me a part time job even though I'm leaving almost right now, but Penneys finally got their act together. I can still work, but it would only be once or twice a week. We'll see what they say.

Saw the Harry Potter movie a while ago... it was great. I lurved it.

What else...

Realized that as of tomorrow, I have 19 days left before I leave for college. Frick. I have to get my act together, pack up my room, go through everything, finalize my stuff like prescriptions and contacts, hang out with friends...

Speaking of friends, Caitlin's birthday is nigh. Well, not nigh, but nearing nigh. Good stuff... zoo + pizza + friends = awesomeness.

August 7th = Caitlin's birthday. August 9th = last day at Penneys. August 12th = move in day and first day of band camp.

I am so effing excited. I'm so excited it's hard not to type swear words. Come on, piano class? College German? English 298 with a focus on the gay liberation movement? Flute lessons? I'm brimming over, and pretty soon going to explode with, excitement.

Therefore, this entry shall now end.

Oh, but I did finally get to hang out with Christian today. :)

Why do I always leave things to the last second? Actually no, I didn't leave this to the last second. I've been practicing this one piece of music since I got a letter of acceptance to the music college at WSU for my ensemble audition, and I have unfortunately come to the realization today that it is completely and utterly the wrong one. It's just a little bit too hard. You know, those sixteenth notes are in just that unexpected order that throws you off every time, and halfway through the song you have to stop to breathe because you can't play it fast enough to where you'd get through those runs. It's just too hard. I'm not going to master it in four weeks time.

Back to plan A, right? The piece I auditioned on for the college. I'd wager I've improved since then; besides, I played through it today. Muscle memory. It just needs some work.

Psh, four weeks of work. Last minute! Why oh why!

In other news...

Jammed on random instruments at Keith's house yesterday. That was hilarious. My embouchure is terrible though--I haven't played since the last day of jazz band.

I think I'm getting a talking-to from my parents when they get home today. My mom seemed randomly mad that I left a note saying "hey, spending the night, kay" even though a few days ago she said I didn't have to call every time I wanted to do something. Um, mixed signals? Freaking A. If I feel the beginnings of a lecture, I'm going to say hey, mother, lay down the line for me. When should I call, and when should I not? Seriously. You can't keep leaving it deliberately vague and then getting mad at me for misinterpreting.

I watched Must Love Dogs today. Oh my gawd, if John Cusack isn't the most adorable person I have ever seen in my whole life... Caitlin, think I could print out a few pages of his face at Postnet like you printed V for Vendetta? I would love for John Cusack to adorn the walls of my dorm room.

Harry Potter is out. Of the closet. No, just kidding. I really want to see that movie though--really really really really really really really really want to see it. Really. And then the book! Not this Saturday but the next. I'm working that day from 2-10. Target opens at 8... run in, grab it, crash at Caitlin's house and read it... think six hours is enough? If not, I can read it on my breaks+lunch.

I am such a dork.

It's all good.

Prepare yourself... this might be really long. Craploads of stuff to catch up on.

First things first. You know that movie I was going to see with Lee? The one I was really excited about? Didn't happen. He completely and totally blew me off. I called to see when we were going to the movie, and he didn't answer. I called five times and even left a text message. Nothing. I still haven't heard from him. He's out at sea now. By the time he gets back I'll be gone. I don't think it's likely that I'll ever see him in person again. And yes, that does make me sad. Lee's a good guy.

So Saturday morning I woke up at 6:30 so I could get to work by 8. I thought I worked from 8 to 4. I get there, and it's completely dark. Completely. Managers and jewelry associates always get there half an hour before opening to set things up. Right about the moment I glanced into the employee entrance and saw total darkness, I got this sinking feeling in my chest.

Yeah, you guessed it. I wasn't even scheduled. I didn't work Saturday at all. I woke up at 6:30 for nothing.

When in doubt, call Caitlin. One of these days she's going to say "no, Ashley, I refuse to let you into my house. I need my sleep." Luckily yesterday was not that day. So we ended up going to see License to Wed (very good by the way--hilarious) and then hanging out till the Senate concert.

THE SENATE CONCERT!

It was freaking amazing. They are simply fantastic. And gorgeous. They radiate attractiveness. Seriously, it's like the three most beautiful males in the whole world got together and decided hey, let's make a band, so they learned how to play guitars. Oliver grew a beard since the last time I saw him. It gives him a giant extra dose of sexiness compared to beardless Oliver. Andrew looks like someone from the 50s with that hair gel. And Nick... well, Nick looks just as tall and beautiful as ever. Nick's my favorite. He has such emotion on his face when he sings, and he makes the funniest faces, like he's roaring when actually he's singing. I absolutely love it.

At the risk of sounding like a totally obsessed fan, I'll move on. The Senate was great, they had some amazing new songs and of course some great old ones. We got a group pic with them afterwards. It's on myspace. Yep.

Today I went to see 1408 with my parental units. It was really great. It's based on a short story by Stephen King, it was destined to be so. Very scary parts--it's the kind of movie that keeps you jumping every five seconds. It was intense, but the ending wrapped it up well. Good stuff. I recommend it.

Tomorrow I'm working at Penneys. Tuesday I start my new job at Famous Footwear. Either Wednesday day or Friday Harry Potter 5 comes out. On the 21st the last Harry Potter book comes out. Talk about exciting. :)

And after that, August 9 is my last day at Penneys. On the 11th I'll say goodbye and pack my last box. And on the 12th I'll start my life at college.

Exciting!

Nyes...

Today I went around with Caitlin and Maria and put up fliers for the Day of Silence. One week exactly until The Senate! *excitedness*

Also, did you guys hear about Washington passing the bill approving domestic partnerships? Now it just has to go to the governor or something. That is so awesome! I'm very proud of my state. Plus, we get to have some sort of party-ish thing at GSA tomorrow. Whoot!

Calculus test today. It actually wasn't nearly as hideous as I thought... probably because it didn't have L'Hopital's Rule. Whew. I don't even remember that one. Anyway, I know I didn't get it perfect, but I'm thinking I scraped a B. Tomorrow is going to suck though... Perry's passing back those scantrons. I hope he doesn't say anything to me. I'm worried enough as it is. I don't need my math teacher being disappointed in me too. Ugh.

I actually do get to play flute in jazz band now! Mrs. Moore passed out the Haitian Fight Song long long ago to us, and there's an optional flute part that doubles a trumpet solo an octave higher. She wants me to play it when we take that piece to Jazz Explosion. Coolness! I'm sure half of the people in my jazz band still don't know that flute is my first instrument.... haha, suckers. Anyway, that'll be cool.

Yes, well, tis scholarship time. Whoohoo.

On long boring days like today I tend to be very talkative online. So I might end up posting twice. Hmm.

Anyway, I wrote my two lit terms. I did tragic flaw, in which I rambled on about how Hamlet's flaw is his intelligence. That one was very long and pretty good, I think. Then I did soliliquy, and talked about to be or not to be. That one was very short, and not so good. Ah well... I got about 35 points out of 40, I think.

Then I went upstairs to work on calculus. Ugh. I tried to do assignment 2, but it's all trig, and I am awful at trig, so I gave up. I did 20 problems of the practice test, and I was doing okay, but lost interest.

So here I am.

I was bored last night, so I looked at WSU's website. I looked all over... the honors college site, the rec center, clubs and activities, Gannon-Goldsworthy (which is where I applied to live next year). It was all really interesting, and it made me want to apply for a billion scholarships and pack for college. But obviously I can't pack yet, and I'm already applying for as many scholarships as I can find.

Anyway, I figure if I'm going to go to graduate school after WSU, I need to primp up my resume while I'm there. One thing I regret about high school is not being involved enough. It's holding me back from a lot of good scholarships. So, if I'm going to spending four years at WSU, I might as well aim toward an outstanding resume.

Honors College: there's this thing called the Honors College Advisor Council or something, where students get really involved in the college and do a lot of extracurricular stuff. Sounds good to me.

Music College: symphony, jazz band, lessons, marching band... apparently there are a lot of different pep bands that play at different events, like basketball games. I'll check those out and get into as many as I think I can handle. Plus, one of the requirements for renewing my award from the music college is being involved in events and stuff... so I'll see my music-y professors about those opportunities.

Honors Thesis: you start on that almost right away. You present your whole thing before you graduate in front of a bunch of professors and whatnot. It's apparently this great opportunity that you can put on your post-college job resume. Cool.

Clubs: there are over 200 of these. I figure, get involved in some good ones. Run for office positions. It's all good.

And generally have a jam-packed schedule that keeps me running around all the time. I'm at my most productive when I have a lot going on. This week I knew I had a lot of time to get my homework done... so I left it all for today. Not smart. Whereas during the school week, I tend to balance things out evenly and get it all done at the right time.

I say this too much, but I can't wait for college. Quitting my job at Penneys, packing all my stuff, setting everything up in my dorm room, band camp, and then classes. Exciting! I guess I have a form of senioritis... it's not that I don't care about my grades anymore (scholarships come to those with good grades), but I am filled with dread at the prospect of staying here for four and a half more months before I can finally leave. Ugh.

In the meantime, this summer is going to be great. No summer homework assignments for lame-o AP classes. Having my own car = freedom! Caitlin? We're going swimming all the time. And to Wired and Unplugged. And stuff. Maria? Ditto the above. Other buddies who might read this? Yeah, we'll be hanging out. Mucho. And working at Penneys... the final stretch! I can't WAIT to quit! But working lots this summer means I'll have saved enough money to get a laptop, an iPod, a digital camera, and all my dorm stuff. It's worth it.

Yep.

Today, I went to the Alderwood mall with Caitlin and Maria.

It was pretty much amazing.

I got my prom dress! It's so gorgeous. Strapless (can you believe it?), floor length, amazing shade of red... it's so perfect! It came with its own little matching red shawl, too. It is SO unbelievably amazing! I can't wait for prom.

Caitlin (my date :D) got a beautiful white dress with gold highlights. She's going to be gorgeous as well.

Interestingly enough we both got our dresses at Penneys, so I got to use my awesome discount. That twenty percent dropped our grand total--including jewelry--from three hundred bucks to 230. *loves JCPenney*

We accidentally got matching shoes at Ross for ten bucks apiece. It was quite hilarious.

Maria, sadly, didn't find anything she liked. None of those dresses properly accomodate her chest. It's pretty unfortunate... but mildly hilarious.

I had a lot of fun! It was great. I lurve shopping, especially with friends.

Sadly, tomorrow marks the beginning of my working-spree. Thursday 5-9, Friday 5-10, Saturday 12-8, probably Sunday too. Sadness.

Oh well. I have an amazing prom dress. I can conquer anything, including grouchy customers.

:D

Spring break has officially begun! Only I'm not terribly excited. I'm working almost every day, and I have to catch up on all my homework... ugh.

Caitlin and I are going to the Alderwood mall on Wednesday though... time to go dress-shopping. I'm a little apprehensive because prom dresses can be so freaking expensive, and I have little enough money to begin with... but it's worth it.

My dad will be picking my car up from Speedway in about an hour. I'm finally going to have my car back! I am so happy. I hate driving my dad's car.

Postmarked my BECU scholarship application... whew. Glad that's done. And I love Postnet. To get that precious application into a huge envelope and get a fancy label and everything, how much did it cost me? $1.62. Oh no, I'm going broke. Come on, a few hours of paperwork and essays and under two dollars might just snag me $2,000 for college? So unbelievably worth it.

I'm really trying to get down and dirty with this weight thing. I'm making a list of banned foods, starting tomorrow (because I already ate some of them today). This list includes coke, reeses pieces, chocolate, pop tarts, licorice, cookies... if it's sugary and full of empty calories, it's out. I'm trying to work toward eating healthy regularly and exercising more. I figure, I eliminate a few things for one week (starting tomorrow) and see how it goes. I absolutely will not allow myself to eat anything on the ban list. If that goes well, not too painless, I eliminate a few more bad things. Eventually I won't even want to eat these things... there just wouldn't be point.

*crosses fingers* Please let this work. I've been carrying too many extra pounds for too long.

As far as exercising goes, I'm departing in a matter of minutes to try this jogging thing... I'll jog down to the end of my road (about .6 miles), and walk back up. Then I can inhale a bunch of water and post another journal on how it went. Yippee.

I need to get my hair cut. It's so long... I don't even want to do anything with it. It needs to be chopped off. Soon. Maybe I can recruit Caitlin to come with me. Heh.

I actually saw Christian today, whoot! It was interesting... dude, we almost never talked in person before this myspace revolution. It was weird actually seeing you in the real world... in a good way, of course. :D

Aaaaaaaaaaand that's about all that's interesting going on in my life right now. Later.

So today I've done a lot of thinking about various issues going on in my life... thankfully most of them seem to be in the process of resolving themselves. What a relief.

Most important and prominent in my life: my car problem. My friends are being wonderful... April has offered to drive me home several times now, even though I live fifteen minutes out of town and she lives right in town. I love her. Seth has been driving me to school every day based on the promise of cookies... which I need to go make.... but finally I'm on the verge of having a car again. I think I can convince my mom (already convinced my dad) to lend me 500 dollars of their money to get my car fixed sometime this coming week. I have about 1200 in my account, and 800 in bonds... that makes 2500, which is what it costs. Then, since my checks are usually about $200 every two weeks, it'll take me three checks to pay them back, including insurance for this month... that's a month and a half of Ashley having no money, but having a car. Car > money.

This does put a bit of a dent in my college finance plans... I hoped to save all of my summer money and use it to pay for part of my college, and use the money I had in my account already to buy a laptop and an iPod. I calculated about $4000 a summer, so $16000 total. Now though, I'm starting at $0... so some of my summer money has to go toward laptop, iPod, and dorm stuff.

Speaking of scholarships, those are on my mind too. I've had a two-week break from application due dates, but from now till the end of April I've got 'em all the time. It's time for me to start working on them again. I keep freaking out about how much I'm going to be in debt after college... but I always forget that I don't need every single penny paid for right now. The Honors College doesn't even (supposedly) award scholarships till sophomore year... if I make myself a presence there this coming year, I could get a decent one there. There are always undergraduate scholarships on fastweb.com that I can keep applying for over the next four years. And if I get a job while I'm at WSU, I'll be that much better off. Scholarships are great things to get, but at this stage (right here right now) I don't NEED them. So calm down, brain. Calm down.

I'm going to discuss my weight issue with April when we go running tomorrow. She's lost 60 pounds over the last year or so--I think if anyone can help me out, she can. I think, once I have my car again, we should try to go running almost every day after school... the more the better. That way, once a week we could go to her house and do pilates and watch a chick flick without feeling guilty about it. :D

Prom is coming up... I'm going with Caitlin. Prom shopping is going to be a financial issue for me. My mom won't want me to spend all that money. But it's prom. If Caitlin wants to share a limo with Bridgette and her group of buddies, then transportation will only cost us $50. Dress from Penneys with discount: $100 at most. If I get a red or a green dress, then I won't need to buy new earrings, because I have really cool ones in both those colors. I don't need new shoes. So really, $150 for prom is not bad at all... it will just feel like a huge blow to my then-already-small bank account. Ah well.

Speaking of bank accounts, there's a BECU scholarship for $2500. They award it to 25 members of the credit union, which is I believe solely Washington based. I think I've got a decent chance of actually getting that scholarship.

Well, now my thoughts are becoming circular. More later.

I volunteered at the library today. I have to admit... it was the most mind-numbing four hours of my life I think I've ever spent. No offense to the librarians or anything, but man...

Caitlin and I got there at 12 (well, 12:05 because I happened to be late). I spent the first hour and forty-five minutes dusting. Yeah, dusting. For almost two hours straight. Can you say boring??

Then I got a fifteen minute break, which made me happy.

After that I got to sharpen pencils and chop up huge hunks of paper. Much better.

So half of my senior requirement is fulfilled. One more library day in April, and that's done. Now I need to scrape up five hours for honors society... I'd try counting tutoring, but I've only done an hour so far. Maybe Seth and I can go to the food bank for three hours again... hmm.

12-4 and no lunch? I was hungry. So Caitlin and I got sandwiches at Wired and Unplugged, but it took them forever to get them to us. I got home at 5 instead of 4:30, and what did I get for it?

"What happened to 4:30? It's 5. If you think you're going to be late, you need to call us! When it's your car, and you're paying for all of the insurance and gas, and you're eighteen, then you can be late and you don't need to call! And if you ever want to live here again after you're eighteen, you're living 1000 percent by my rules, and if you're one degree out of line, then you can forget it!"

Well fuck you too mom.

For one, by the time I'm eighteen I'll have been at WSU for two weeks! And by the way mom, if you think for one second that I am EVER going to subject myself to this again, you're dead wrong!

It's days like this that just make me hate some of my friends. They have it so easy, and they don't even appreciate it. Kaila's parents pay for gymnastics, voice lessons, clarinet lessons, softball, a million sports, they're paying for eighty percent of her college education, and all she ever does is complain about them! Scott Smith is mad at his parents because they're too nice to him! You've got to be kidding me!

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't ever want to have kids. What if I do this to them? And you can say, oh no Ashley, don't worry, you won't do that... look at my mom! She hated her mother. She swore she'd never act like her. If you know me at all, you've seen how she treats me. And she thinks she's being a good mom doing that kind of thing? Oh hell no. I'll stick to dogs.

I'm supposed to go to Dutch Hill tomorrow and talk to little kids about band... but I have no way of getting there! If no one has a vehicle with which to get to Dutch Hill... I'm going to have to talk to the teacher and cancel. Do you know how much I don't want to do that?

Argh.

Scholarships... car... parents... why is everything happening RIGHT NOW?

So tomorrow starts WASL week. I'm pretty excited... tomorrow after jazz band I'm going to try sneaking back to my car and going to Caitlin's house. I already have my excuse... I left a huge project at home, if anyone stops me. Wednesday we have no jazz band, so I'll be sleeping... yay. Thursday, I think, some band kids are going down to Dutch Hill to talk to little kiddies about how awesome band is.

What's going on in my life... let's see...

I'm trying to get serious about this weight thing. I honestly think my home life is keeping me from eating the right foods. We occasionally have apples and fruits like that, but usually the most accessible "snack" foods are cookies and licorice and candy. Conducive to healthiness? I don't think so. My goal when I get to college is to stock my dorm room with healthy food... wheat thins and fruit snacks and stuff like that. That way when I'm bored and trying to study in my room, if I end up eating more than I should, at least I'm avoiding empty calories and getting some extra fiber. :)

April and I are going running Tuesday and Friday for sure. I'm hoping to coerce her into going with me almost every day... for consistency.

In other news...

I'm obsessed with The Senate.

WSU still hasn't replied to either of my two emails about FAFSA and scholarship stuff. I need to call them tomorrow or the next day. This is getting really annoying.

All Stone ever does in CI is show us movies. It's getting really annoying. Maybe he could actually try teaching us for once?

That's about it. On reflection however, this is probably plenty.

Later.

Why is this so hard? It's utterly ridiculous... we broke up, why should I still be feeling such an emotional attachment?

I looked at Matt's myspace a few seconds ago... he deleted the pics of us.

Why is that so hard to take? What is wrong with me? I'm not happy in a relationship, and I'm so utterly unhappy right now. I just don't understand. I'm supposed to be a friggin psychologist in training... why is it so hard to analyze myself?

It doesn't help that at school he still acts like we're going out. I just don't get it.

So since my last entry that above mentioned stuff has been constantly on my mind. I hate this relationships business... when I'm in them I wish I wasn't, and now that we're not together anymore I wish we were.

Argh!

In other news...

Went "running" with April. We actually ended up walking for about four miles total, and ran a few little spurts. It was so great--we talked about everything that's been going on in our lives since we last really talked, which was the end of first semester. I'm so glad we're doing this whole exercising thing... I felt great at work later.

However... while at work I suffered a great insult. This was Tuesday, by the way. I felt really great from walking, so I just wore my shirt, not my sweatshirt like I usually do. I figured, hey, I'm confident enough in myself I don't see why I should care what anyone else thinks.

Big mistake.

This lady asked me when I was due.

Not even kidding.

That was unbelievable. How could you even ask that unless you were 100 percent sure that the person was pregnant? Honestly!

Well, what could I do? I could either let it get to me, go home even more depressed and cry myself to sleep after throwing away all my form-fitting clothes, or I could laugh it off and pretend like I don't care.

So I laughed it off. I asked Mikaela later if I could go on an extra-long break since I'm eating for two now.

Ugh.

Wednesday and Thursday were spent finishing the Hamlet project which, by the way, is pretty awesome. Thursday night was the concert... we played really, really well. Friday we were supposed to present the project, but FB wasn't there, so we're not presenting till the end of next week.

And yesterday, the most exciting of all... after work I went to Wired and Unplugged with Caitlin, Maria, and Alyssa to see The Senate. They were amazing! They had such a stage presence, and the lead singer sang with such emotion... it was incredible. Caitlin's going to burn me a copy of their CD... so excited.

And that's it. Today I'm catching up with the little bits of homework I've ignored... writing the Hamlet paper, doing lit terms, working on scholarships.

So that's my week in a nutshell.

Till next time.

Well, Caitlin and I worked on our Hamlet project again today. We had loads of technical difficulties... very frustrating. We ended up at Maria's house, where we helped her clean about half of her room and then sent her to Zach's birthday dinner looking like a badass. :D

I've decided that I can't wait till college to start getting in shape. I've been bad with food lately, and in the last year I've accidentally gained like twenty pounds... crappy. I like food too much to just stop eating it, and every time I try to eat less of it I end up eating more. Go figure. So today I was thinking about it, and I decided that I can't just wait for WSU's awesome rec center to be near me before I start doing something. So where I can exercise? The park! Ta da! But I don't want to do it by myself... I wouldn't have the motivation, especially since it would be really boring. So I emailed my buddy April. We were in PE together last semester, so I know we can survive exercising; plus, we never see each other, so it's an excuse to talk and hang out once or twice a week.

Well, I'm sure I'll update again once I know April's response. Whoohoo.

Tomorrow after school I get to go tutor little kiddies. They're Seattle Hill ones this time, and I get to tutor them on trombone instead of flute. Yikes! I might really suck the big one at that, since I don't even know some of the basics like slurring myself. Heh. Oh well, I'll do what I can for 'em.

Ugh, I haven't done any homework this whole weekend except working on the Hamlet project three days in a row. I have a calculus assignment (gross), half of my Hamlet logs left to do (really gross), and two articles for CI (most disgusting ever). I also need to go talk to Stone tomorrow and pretend that I thought I was supposed to keep the news articles in my folder and didn't know we were supposed to turn them in. Joy. He'll give me that weird look but I think he'll take them.

Hmm. I've babbled enough for today. Adios everyone.